What happens when you get married?  If you aren’t careful you can fall into a rut.  Before you know it you have a roommate, not a spouse.  Why?  Because you fail to set priorities to connect.  I always counsel in my pre-marital appointments to PRIORITIZE time together.  Set a date night.  Find time to just be together – without the kids, dog, iPhone, iPad, or iAnything.

One way you can accomplish this is simply by going to bed together.  I didn’t realize how unique it was to do this in a marriage.  We didn’t know any better!  Jennifer and I have always gone to bed at the same time.  But undoubtably, the night owl marries the ‘early to bed and early to rise.’  You are polar opposites trying to do life together.  But this simple act of going to bed together does a few things:

• Promotes conversation.  I know I’m always trying to fall asleep and Jennifer decides to tell me her whole day.  But wives NEED this time to share.  Now you’re a captive audience.
• Prevents separation.  I think it keeps you from becoming roommates.  Separation is not really great for a marriage, despite us saying that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder.’  Continual absence does not, however.
• Protects purity.  There’s too much crap on TV now.  And if you are like most people you don’t have the computer in the bedroom.  Going to bed together keeps each of you from looking at smut while the other is asleep.
• Prompts intimacy.  Its kinda hard to be ‘together’ when you’re not together!  I’m going to refrain from being too descriptive here.

I think this is one simple revolutionary idea that could really transform your marriage.  I know it requires a change in schedule.  But just commit to it and create a regular routine.  And start doing life together – including sleeping.  That whole naked thing is up to you.

Fast forward a few years.  I’m at a conference and find myself looking at Pastors and labeling them.  That one is brash.  That one is prideful.  Who does he think he is wearing that outfit?

Fast forward a few years.  I’m sitting at a table with someone who is very influential in the church world who gets criticized.  1.  He is EXTREMELY humble and down to earth.  2.  I find myself saying ‘how did I get here?’  ’What am I doing here?’  ’I don’t deserve this!’

What is the point of these 3 stories?

1. Story 1 – The criticizer knew nothing of the one he was criticizing.  He only… get this… perceived something.
2. Story 2 – I, the criticizer, knew NOTHING of the ones I was criticizing.  And, being the criticizer, I knew I had an issue with insecurity.  So much easier to feel good about yourself when you are criticizing others.
3. Story 3 – Usually people’s perception of others is wrong – including mine.  AND, I recognized my insecurity.

And that is when I felt God say – you look and think you see a bunch of overconfident, brash, and bragadocious people.  But I see people who are dealing with insecurity just as you are.

What’s the lesson?  If you are a criticizer, most likely you just need to deal with your own insecurities.  Quit worrying about everyone else.  Worry about yourself.  Also, encourage your leaders.  I think most of them are saying to themselves – ‘how did I get here?’  ’What am I doing here?’ ‘I don’t deserve this!’

Hold your tongue.  You probably have no business being a critic.

Next post – Monday February 20th – The art of going to bed

How do you know when to outsource?  There are several reasons I choose to outsource:

• To Learn - If we are doing something and can outsource it and LEARN in the process, we are getting more bang for our buck.  We are getting the job done AND we are getting an education.  Bookkeeping has been a recent venture in this area.  We have very clean books.  We do either a yearly review or audit by an external CPA firm.  But we knew we could learn some ‘best practices’ and hired an outside firm to do our bookkeeping.  It was a great decision and it did exactly what we needed it to do – teach us how we could be better.  This is usually MID-TERM to LONG-TERM.
• Expand Capacity -  Growth is great and growth is chaotic.  Sometimes you just need a pressure release to get you through a season.  If you see your staff starting to look frazzled explore what you can outsource.  It is a great way to buy time and make a wise and prudent decision.  This is usually SHORT TERM.
•  Need Expertise - You don’t know everything so just admit it.  We have saved thousands of dollars by paying someone who knows better than we do.  Can I talk to bankers?  Sure!  But there are others who live and breathe loans, rates, libor (whatever that means), etc.  And they can hang with the most intimidating banker negotiating a loan.  If it’s an important decision, look at bringing in bigger guns.  This is usually PROJECT SPECIFIC.
• Special Skill Set - This may be a regular occurrence that simply needs a specific, specialized, hard-to-find skill.  This is usually REOCCURRING.
• Need Wisdom - No this is not the same as ‘Need Expertise’ or ‘To Learn’.  Both of those the person is doing the work for you.  Here I’m talking consultants.  They come in with a ‘here’s what I think you should do’ or ‘here are the questions you need to be answering’ mindset.  BE CAREFUL in this realm.  We’ve hired consultants that didn’t have the DNA or understand our culture.  For instance we had someone tell us to wait to do something till next year.  We’re instead going to do it this quarter.  We knew our situation better than they did.  Good for us the advice was free.  This is usually PROJECT SPECIFIC.

Some of the areas we have either considered using or have used contract labor:

• Graphic design
• Video design
• Audio Mixing
• Bookkeeping
• Financial Consulting
• Church Growth Consulting
• Church Health and Structure
• Loan Placement
• IT
• Database management
• Database reporting
• Web Design
• Musicians
• Worship leading

Just a few more tips:

• Network.  Find off the grid talent.  It’s a good way to ‘try out’ people that are interested in a long term relationship with your organization.  They are usually more flexible as well.
• Free yourself.  Realize that outsourcing is not long term.  You don’t like something?  Make a switch.  It’s perfect for those of you who have commitment issues.

Next Post – Friday February 17th – Hold Your To Tongue

Several years ago we took the staff to Catalyst in Atlanta, GA.  In the spirit of saving money, I booked us at a sub-par hotel.  Pastor and I were at a meeting when we got the call from the rest of the group.  This sub-par hotel was 1. not safe 2. not clean 3. not safe and 4. not clean.  One staffer said they’d sleep on the bed with their clothes on.  We went downstairs to check out and relocate to another hotel.  And, this is not a joke, a lady was asking if they rented the hotel by the hour.  If that wasn’t enough to get us to move I don’t know what would be.  So I learned my lesson.  Cheaper isn’t always better.  Here is how I decide to spend money:

1. Price.  Yes price always plays a part.  We just initiated a policy that all capital expense requests (tangible assets over $500) must be accompanied by 3 quotes.  We want to do our homework and make sure we aren’t getting hosed.
2. Quality.  I will gladly pay 30% more for a product if I get double the life span.  In my home finances I always research the mess out of a major purchase.  But we do have a history in my house of purchasing quality items that last a long time.  I’m still using my TV from 1998.  Still have the same washer and dryer from 2003.  Mower is 6 years old.  Vacuum is 6 years old.  You get the point.  I carry that philosophy over into the church world.  Quality over price.  You have a good chance of maximizing your dollar.
3. Relationship.  We have some things I just won’t think about changing vendors.  Why?  Because we’ve built a trust relationship with them.  I am comfortable with them.  I know they will talk straight with me.  I know they will own up to their word.  I know they will make things right.  Do I push them on price?  Yup!  But they know my philosophy and what we are trying to accomplish at Lifepoint.  I’m more apt to spend more with a vendor if I know the quality of the relationship will be worth it.  You can usually get things done faster with a quality relationship.  And, we all know, time is money.  So in essence you are saving money in the long run!  Again, it’s about maximizing your dollar.

Hope this helps those of you in the church world.  If you are thinking strictly in dollars when it comes to purchases, there’s a chance your limiting your view and only looking at the short-term.  Look more to the long-term health of your ministry.  Remember, as church staff we have the responsibility to wisely steward every dollar that people have sacrificed and given.  Don’t EVER take that responsibility lightly.

Next Post: Wednesday February 15th – When To Outsource

I think it is no coincidence that Jesus used that analogy.  Do you know someone who is really into fishing?  They have the boat, the hat, the rods, the reals, the tackle, the technique, their favorite fishing hole, they know the mind of a fish, and they’ll get up at 3 AM when the fishing is good.  Let’s look at the lessons learned from those fishing nuts:

• They know know when and where the fish are biting.
• They’ll continue trying different baits & lures.  In fact, they have an arsenal of options!
• They are willing to get out when no one else is and go where no one else is going to catch the big one.
• They are eternal optimists.  Even if they aren’t catching anything, they always have the attitude of ‘just one more cast; this cast could be the one.’

How does this apply to being fishers of men?  As a church I know that:

• We have to know our community better than anyone.
• We can’t be afraid to try different things.  The church world is always shifting.  Methods are always changing.  If something doesn’t work try something new.
• Be willing to go where no one else is going and do what no one else is doing.
• You always have to be optimistic.  Even if you aren’t catching anything, keep casting, keep trying.  You never know when Jesus will have you cast your net on the other side and you end up catching a boatload.

There seems to be a mindset of “God is Holy, but we suck.”  Ok, I can see the merit in that to some extent “Our righteousness is as filthy rags.”  But the rhetoric of this camp almost suggests that we must beat down man in order to raise up God.  Isn’t God Holy in Himself?  And how does the Gospel speak to this debate?  ”For God…”  So it starts with God…  ”…so loved…”  And it also begins with love.  God so LOVED… who?  The world!!!  God so loved US.  God so loved us who were filthy in our sin.

Now lets get into some more meat of the gospel.  ”…that He gave His only begotten son…”  So Christ DIED for us filthy people – as PAYMENT for us.  Now if value is determined by what someone is willing to pay for it, what does that say about our value?  A LOT!  God GAVE His son to die for us.  Get that through your head.  We were CREATED in the image of God.  We have value!  God doesn’t make junk.  Now we may do junky things, but “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  That doesn’t effect our value to Him who made us.  The Gospel is a story of REDEMPTION.

I heard a Pastor say “you aren’t all that.”  Excuse me, but yes I am.  Sorry to be so bold about this, but I disagree 100%.  Not to be cliche-ic, but, I AM SOMEBODY!  I am somebody in CHRIST!!!

So here are my key points:

• God is Holy, sovereign, and great!
• We are created in His image.  Sin has jacked that all up.  But we still are of value to Him.  God doesn’t make junk.
• All people have value to God.  All people are in need of a savior.  Those who are Christ followers have a special inheritance & eternal life.  Our standing has changed and we are no longer at odds with Christ.
• Christ died for us, so that we could be redeemed back to the Father.  Hebrews 9:15 says, “For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.”
• God is given glory, not by bringing man down, but by illuminating the  Gospel work of a Holy God, extending grace to sinful man and redeeming mankind back to Himself.
• For the life of me I can’t find a verse that says ‘humble one another.’  It does say humble yourself – not others around you.  In fact, the Bible says a lot about encouraging, building up, exhorting, and putting others before yourself.  You think God finds honor in us beating each other down in the name of ‘God is Holy?’  I think not.  In fact, I think it breaks His heart.

In summary, God is Holy and God is great.  Not because we suck.  But because he loved us in spite of our suckiness.  And now we don’t suck any more.  Capiche?

The resurrection of Lazarus is an interesting story, isn’t it?  Jesus could have shown up to heal Lazarus when he first heard of his sickness.  Instead, it seems that Jesus took his time and delayed coming to them.  And at the end of the story we have a miraculous resurrection of a dead man – Lazarus has come to life.

This made Christ widely popular.  Shoot, it made Lazarus widely popular!  Lazarus was the proof that what people said happened had actually happened.  He was dead.  Now he’s alive!  You’ve got to come see this!  It says in John 12:9 “…a large crowd of Jews found out that Jesus was there and came, not only because of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead.”

What is interesting about this story is that the enemy wanted…. Lazarus dead?  What?  ”So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and putting their faith in him.”

Understand this, the enemy doesn’t always want to go for the one who is doing the miracle working.  Many times he is after the miracle itself – because THAT is the proof of who Jesus is.

What has God resurrected in your life?  A relationship?  A passion?  A purpose for life?  Yourself?  Don’t let the enemy near it.  He wants only to destroy it.  Instead, make it public.  Show it to the world.  Because it is what He has done IN you and FOR you that many are ‘going over to Jesus and putting their faith in him.’

Many may scoff at this notion – that leaders have an elevated level of expectation; a heightened sense of ‘we have to get this right.’ Of course the obvious reason is everyone is looking at us. But the not so obvious reason is that God is looking at us.

In Jeremiah 5:4-5 God is looking at a nation that had rebelled against Him,

“4 I thought, “These are only the poor;
they are foolish,
for they do not know the way of the Lord,
the requirements of their God.

5 So I will go to the leaders
and speak to them;
surely they know the way of the Lord,
the requirements of their God.”
But with one accord they too had broken off the yoke
and torn off the bonds.

God was looking at the nation of Israel, disgusted at their spiritual state, and ready to pass judgement – exercise punishment for their deeds and lack of moral restraint. But He hoped that at least the leaders were where they were supposed to be with God. I think (which is dangerous, I know), that just maybe God would have spared Israel exile if the leaders had been spiritually solid. Furthermore, the verse reads that the people didn’t know the requirements of God. So God went to the leaders to see what was up. And that wasn’t good at all!

My point is, if no one else gets it, if no one else follows hard after Christ, it is still our responsibility as leaders to be the remnant. At least WE must get it right. Because God had setup this system of leadership that the people are more apt to go the way of the leader. And if the leaders get it, at least there is hope for those they lead.

If God was to come and examine your team, and if the only hope for your team fell on your spiritual status as a leader, how would you fair? Would your team be honored or would they be exiled?

It is really maddening though. How do you confront a compliment that, to you, seems to drip with venom?

In John 12:4 we see the story of Mary coming to pour a pint of expensive perfume on the feet of Jesus, anointing Him for his coming death. It was an act of worship that the disciples hadn’t yet seen and probably hadn’t experienced themselves.

And one disciple brought up such a noble objection. “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.” Oh how his heart broke for the despondent! Oh how many sleepless nights this person must have spent thinking about the less fortunate! Oh the wisdom, the purity of heart, the essence of the Gospel that poured out of his voiced concern! What about the poor!!! I mean, Jesus was always talking about taking care of the less fortunate!!

But we see just one verse later that this disciple, Judas, had no concern for the poor. “He did not say this because he cared abou the poor but because he was a thief…” And, as always, Jesus found a way to counter this ‘noble and pure’ concern. “LEAVE HER ALONE!” His ‘nice concern’ was simply fruit of a ‘nasty heart.’

Just because you have people around you who say the right things, doesn’t mean they are the right people to be around. I recently heard Kevin Gerald say “just because someone is good to you doesn’t mean they are good for you.” 1 Corinthians says “Bad company corrupts good character.”

Evaluate the relationships in your life. Look past the words of their life. Look at their fruit – their actions – that show they have your best interest at heart and the heart of God.

It’s not easy. Feeding the poor was a really good concern. But Jesus saw the heart; one that was full of evil intent despite the pious words.

Allow Jesus to guide you in the God assigned connections in your life.